Street Fighter 2 Post: Maximum Turbo Classic Edition XDDDD
Released in 1991, Street Fighter 2 revolutionized the gaming world and helped popularize the fighting game genre. Sure, there were games in the past that featured head to head combat with multiple playable characters, but Street Fighter 2 took it to the next level by introducing a big Russian man into the roster. It was an incredible hit, spawning a rash of imitators. Coincidentally, most of them were just remakes of Street Fighter 2 itself.
In the single-player mode, a great tournament is held to determine the strongest fighter in the world. Each of the eight selectable fighters have their own unique backstory and reasons for entering the tournament. Since these details are found in the instruction manual, let me just sum them up for you here.
RYU: “I’ve dedicated my life to the art of karate.”
E. HONDA: “I’ve dedicated my life to the art of sumo.”
DHALSIM: “I’ve dedicated my life to achieving peace and enlightenment. Now sit still so I can painfully burn you with my fire breath.”
GUILE: “I want revenge.”
CHUN-LI: “I want revenge.”
ZANGIEF: “I want revenge.
“Revenge for old mohawk.
“Once Zangief used to have mohawk. We had such fun-how we laughed and cried together! But then American bastards…they had problems with Russian mohawks. Said we ‘cramped style’, whatever that means. I was asleep with mohawk after hard day of piledriving bears, but then someone rings doorbell. I go open the door and I find American frat boy outside pointing gun at me.
“‘This is for taking American fashion trend, man!’ he shout, and before I could stop him, he shot hole through mohawk, who let out bloodcurdling scream. I tried to grab American bastard but he ran off before I could catch him, drove off with other American frat boys to get drunk on crappy American beer. I take mohawk into bathroom and try to wash out wound.
“‘I’m not going to make it, Zangief,’ mohawk say.
“‘Don’t speak like that!’ I say. ‘Mohawk get wound cleaned and then mohawk still look good even with giant hole in him!’
“‘Don’t be stupid,’ mohawk say. ‘I can’t go around with a giant hole through me. It looks unnatural.’
“‘No, mohawk!’ I shout. ‘Don’t give up! Zangief need you!’
“Mohawk give me sad look and watch tears stream down my face. He say, ‘I’ve taught you everything I know about wrestling, Zangief. It was great being your mohawk…but now it’s time for me to move on.’
“‘No, mohawk!’ I shout. ‘Stay with Zangief! STAY WITH ZANGIEF!’
“But I was too late. Mohawk was already gone.
“That is why I fight. I enter this tournament and fight for honor of old mohawk who taught me all I know about hurting people. In name of mohawk, I will win tournament, and bring glory to his name! ALL WILL KNOW NAME OF ZANGIEF’S OLD MOHAWK! MOTHER RUSSIA IS WITNESS! RESPECT ZANGIEF’S MOHAWK! RESPECT ZANGIEF’S MOHAAAAAAAAAWK!“
KEN: “Uh…”
BLANKA: “I’m Blanka!”
You’ll take your selected character across the world and beat up fighters from other countries. When you think about it, this could be a great way to settle disputes between nations. Rather than spend millions of dollars on a pointless war that would only result in the loss of innocent lives, both countries can just have their most powerful warriors enter a ring and duke it out. It would work great, unless Japan decides to spend the entire round throwing fireballs, which China would consider “totally cheap”.
After you trounce your fellow warriors, you’ll have to do battle with the four Grand Masters, a legendary band of superjerks who will stop at nothing to end your quest for total awesomeness. They include:
SAGAT: A master of Muay Thai, an apprentice of the comb over.
VEGA: A Spanish ninja who equates beauty with power. Under this belief system, he is weaker than Marilyn Manson.
BALROG: Hates Gandalf.
M. BISON: By wielding the evil energy called Psycho Power, he gained superhuman strength and powerful flying body attacks. All I can say is that if Hitler got his hands on that stuff, World War II would’ve been a lot cooler.
But even if you beat the game with each character, the main feature that keeps bringing players back is the two-player mode. Many a gamer spent hours of fun chucking fireballs at their friends in front of a flickering TV. This irritated parents to no end. I mean, if they were going to throw things at each other all day, they might as well do it outside with rocks.
Be warned! Street Fighter 2 is definitely not for casual gamers. Expert players make it seem easy, but with all of the special moves and tactics avaliable, an aspiring street fighter must work hard to perfect his craft. Only through rigorous training and experience can you shape your thumbs into champions of victory.
Buuuuuuut, if you’d just rather win, there’s a few tricks you can use to ensure maximum success.
THE FIREBALL STRATEGY: To limit your entire strategy to one move illustrates devotion to a single path. Many men choose a variety of moves as part of their combative style, but you strive for simplicity. There is nothing more enlightening than the repeated use of a single tired move. Do not hate the opponents that merely jump over your fireball and pummel you until you fall down. They are burdened by technique. Their lives are hard enough.
THE ELECTRIC HUNDRED KICK STRATEGY: E.Honda, Blanka, and Chun Li all possess a move that works by repeatedly hammering on a certain button. Pick a button. It is imperative that you don’t stop pressing that button. That button determines your victory. Press it! Keep pressing it! I don’t care if your finger hurts! You want to win, don’t you?! Press it! PRESS IT! Unleash the fury of your single move! PRESS IT TO THE LIMIT! YES! YES! YESSSSSSSS!
THE HIT AND RUN STRATEGY: A coward once said, “He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day”. I only hope he trademarked that quote, because otherwise he’s missing out on a bunch of royalties. In any case, this non-aggressive combat strategy involves hitting the opponent a few times while avoiding or blocking attacks. The goal is to have more life than your opponent when the timer reaches zero, and is also favored by proponents of the Fireball Strategy. This style was perfected by a mosquito named Monty, who chanced death against newspapers and survived for twenty whole days. Ironically, he died of old age before we had a chance to interview him.
With these techniques in your arsenal, no one except most players will be able to stand up to you! Go forth, young warrior, and do your country proud! Because if you don’t, you will be arrested for treason.
Hey! Glad you enjoyed Street Fighter 2. Be sure to try out Street Fighter 2: Champion Edition. And while you’re at it, be sure to play Street Fighter 2: Hyper Fighting, Super Street Fighter 2, and Super Street Fighter 2: “Gigantic Knockers” Edition. Remember-Capcom loves you, and only wants to give you the best video game experience possible. That’s why our motto is: “If It Ain’t Broke, Put It Up For Sale Again!” ™
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The single move fireball strategy lives on in Street Fighter IV online play. They would make you proud.
The Zangief cossack dance with Gorbachev lives on in videogame history as a landmark moment in gaming! If only they didn’t change it on Super Street Fighter II Turbo: HD Remix (damn, that’s a long name). Definitely the best Street Fighter ending ever.
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Matt Willard Reply:
May 8th, 2009 at 3:58 PM
It’s like when they remade Symphony of the Night and redid the voices. Oh, man, the backlash was INCREDIBLE! I bet a lot of people felt that way for Zangief’s new ending. (And you’re right-it’s not as awesome as the old one! :V )
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I also had a great deal of success with Chun Li’s headstomp. I’d flit from one corner of the screen to another like a terrified finch caught inside someone’s house, coming down to thump Guile one on the head. It was awesome.
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Matt Willard Reply:
May 8th, 2009 at 5:17 PM
I’ve never heard of such a headstomp. Because my ears don’t work. Because some bitch headstomped me.
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I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the future.
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Matt Willard Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 12:19 PM
Glad you like it so far!
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