Giant Robot Invasion! – Home of Comedy Writer Matt Willard

I’m a big fan of breakfast cereal. It’s easy to throw together and there’s no cooking involved. (A surefire way to get me to pass on food is to force me to cook it.) As a kid I ate a bunch of sugary crap before school – Corn Pops, Fruity Pebbles, Lucky Charms, et cetera. Okay, TECHNICALLY, they were cheap bag cereals that mimicked the popular brands, but who cared? Well, the Anal Patrol did. Once I said “less” instead of “fewer”, so I got community service.

Because I usually picked Reese’s for breakfast, Chex cereal never really excited me. Oh, sure, Chex Mix is great, but you need the nuts and pretzels to carry that snack. Chex cereal itself is pretty unremarkable. I don’t know when they introduced the flavored variants, but when I was growing up, we had wheat, corn, and rice flavors. They all tasted like the same flavor – “bland”. To this date I don’t know anyone who ate Chex without dumping something good in there. I even knew someone who ate it with concrete. (It killed him, but now children can draw on his corpse with chalk.)

But the guys behind Chex must’ve realized that their cereal sucked, because in 1996, they introduced one of the best marketing ploys cereal has ever seen. It was a monumental success and sold lots of Chex. I should know – I bought some when it was going on. After all, who can resist buying cereal that comes with a FREE computer game?

Enter Chex Quest.

Now, at first glance, Chex Quest looks like a stupid idea. I’ll give you that. And the awful 3D intro cinematic certainly doesn’t help. When you start a new game, it leads you inside a space station where a meeting of the…ahem, Intergalactic Federation of Cereals is being held. Yeah, that’s a good start, ain’t it? And the members all have bodies that resemble various bits of cereal. That’s why when a certain alarm goes off someone yells, “Oh, SHIT, the Trix Rabbit found a way inside!”

Anyway, the cereal people are discussing a new threat, which began when a volcano exploded and tossed some rocks into space. These rocks contain the larvae of slime monsters called Flemoids. When exposed to nutritional substance, they grow to full size – that’s why they’ve invaded the Nutritional Development Facility on a planet called Bazoik. (By the way, who’s the genius that came up with a name like Bazoik? “And here to name this newly discovered planet is my good friend, Gerald McBoing-Boing.”)

A scientist comes in and explains that the Flemoids can’t be harmed by their “zorchers”, but by recalibrating them, they can teleport the Flemoids back to their home dimension. It’s a pretty flimsy excuse to dodge violence, but no one cared. Kids still probably thought they were killing a whole room of Flemoids with their rapid-fire zorcher. Really, if kids are going to think that anyway, why bother censoring it? You’re not killing people, you’re blowing up Nickelodeon slime.

Of course, rather than deploy an entire army, they need one lone soldier to waltz into Bazoik and take care of business. Well, this is a Chex game, after all. Who better to risk his life than a guy called the Chex Warrior?

So, yeah. It doesn’t look good so far. But the reason this marketing tactic worked so well is that Chex Quest was based off an already popular game. You see, Chex Quest is actually a modified version of Ultimate Doom. That’s right. It’s Doom for kids. The demons were changed into Flemoids and the weapons were changed into zorchers, but it still functions like Doom. The zorchers still act like Doom weapons, so it’s fun to pick up a badass zorcher and toast fools with it. Let’s face it – if U.S. soldiers got zorchers during Vietnam, hippies would’ve asked Santa for a draft letter.

So you go through all five levels of the facility and eventually take down a wall of slime blocking off other cereal people stuck on the planet. When you rescue them, the ending starts to play. Strangely, it’s not rendered in 3D – it uses animated stills that spin and stretch. Did they run out of their budget or something? Maybe they had to hire new staff. After all, if you don’t clear the annual Russian roulette tournament, why bother paying you?

But what you’re waiting for is after the ending – the game directs you to www.chexquest.com, where you could then download the free sequel, Chex Quest 2. It continued the storyline by trailing Chex Warrior back to his homeworld, where he has to fight off another invading Flemoid threat. Don’t these slime monsters have anything better to do? Maybe not, if the only TV show in your home dimension is called BLAHKGAKABLECKABLAH.

And even THEN, the tale wasn’t over. In 2008, two members of the original Chex Quest development team came out with Chex Quest 3. Not only did it conclude the adventure once and for all, but it updated the first two games with a bunch of new options. You have to admit, that’s one hell of a nice surprise. A series that has been dead for years, receiving a sequel out of the blue? It feels like you’re a kid all over again. (I know how it feels – I repeated third grade five times before I left the time loop.)

Chex Quest was a brilliant marketing tactic that proved to be fun for adults as well as kids. Not only did it sell a lot of Chex, but it inspired two sequels and a dedicated community that uses the game to create their own maps. With that kind of impact, Chex Quest definitely deserves a place in gaming history. I only hope that more breakfast cereals look at Chex Quest and try making their own awesome promotional games. Just imagine it. Tony the Tiger Football! Count Chocula’s Haunting Adventure! Or my personal favorite – Oh SHIT, The Trix Rabbit Is Inside The Facility!

Click here to get to the download page for Chex Quest 3, which contains all three Chex Quest games in one package.

(Chex and Chex Quest is copyrighted to General Mills and other respective parties. Video from YouTube user needateleporterhere.)

If you all didn’t catch it when I first posted the link like an obsessed social media hound, another new article is up on DirJournal.com. In this one, I talk about the Internet and why people are jerks on it. Really, if everyone adopted my poise and grace, the Internet would be a much nicer place to be. (Even better, Timecube would only be an item you find in a video game.)

Go ahead and read it here! And while I’m at it, go ahead and check out my guest post at AllFreelanceWriting.com, Becoming A Freelance Writer In 5 Easy Steps. (NOTE: Steps may not actually be easy or useful.)

Dr. Kurtz saw very few child patients, but each one always provided a unique challenge to overcome. Billy Blaze would be no different.

Dr. Kurtz began the workday by grappling into the Blaze household through a kitchen window left ajar. As he neared the window in his descent he turned his body narrow, sliding through the gap and landing with both feet flat on the tiled floor. The recoil swung Dr. Kurtz’s upper body foward, but fortunately, a strategically placed cushion caught his face before he could fall down.

“Thank you for preparing everything for me in advance, Mrs. Blaze,” Dr. Kurtz said, removing himself from her cleavage. “Now, where is Billy?”

“He’s upstairs,” Mrs. Blaze said, and shouted for him.

Soon Billy Blaze, a young boy with a tussle of blond hair, bounded into the kitchen. His brow sank as he caught sight of Dr. Kurtz. “Oh, Mom, not ANOTHER psychatrist! I told you, there’s nothing wrong with me!”

Just as expected. It was attempting to dismiss Dr. Kurtz in an attempt at self-perservation. A lesser doctor may have fallen for it, but Dr. Kurtz was far too masculine to let it affect him. “Hello, Billy,” he said, producing a brightly wrapped lollipop from his pocket. “I’ve got something for you.”

All resentment vanished as Billy snatched the treat and unwrapped it. “Thanks!” He took a strong lick and toppled like an unbalanced statue.

“That was the strongest cherry-flavored paralysis agent I could find,” Dr. Kurtz said. “It won’t last very long, so help me get him up to his room. We need to tie him down and prevent him from escaping.”

They carried Billy upstairs and laid him on his bed. Cutting off a length of rope from the spool inside his bag, Dr. Kurtz began tying down Billy’s legs. “Now,” Kurtz said, “tell me what’s been going on.”

“Billy’s never caused trouble before,” Mrs. Blaze said. “He does well in school and he’s always well-behaved, except when he’s trying to bite his brother.”

“Mmmhmm.”

“But lately he’s started talking about some ‘invasion of the Vorticons’. He says that the Vorticons are evil aliens who stole parts of his spaceship while he was exploring Mars.” Mrs. Blaze wrung her hands. “Now he keeps telling me they’re going to invade Earth. It’s very distressing. I tried yelling at him, but it didn’t work at all!”

“That confirms it. I know exactly what your son’s problem is.” Dr. Kurtz pulled the last knot in place. “Billy is being possessed by a gremlin. Gremlins hide inside the stomachs of their victims and force them to behave against their will. I daresay that this outlandish story about an ‘invasion of the Vorticons’ is an attempt by Billy to break free from the gremlin’s control so that he can go back to causing trouble like most young boys should do.”

“Oh my,” Mrs. Blaze said. “What can we do?”

“There’s only one procedure that can remove gremlins,” Dr. Kurtz said. “Fortunately, it’s easily administered.”

He removed a baseball bat from his bag and cracked it across Billy’s stomach.

“OWWW!” Billy screamed.

“It’s a little known fact that stomach gremlins are vulnerable to baseball bats,” Dr. Kurtz said. “All of the stomach acid they ingest softens their bones to a point where a few good smacks will turn them into mush.”

CRACK! “OWWW!”

“That looks very effective,” Mrs. Blaze said.

Dr. Kurtz handed her the bat. “Now, all you need to do is keep bashing that gremlin once every five minutes for an hour. Keep doing this until midnight, but be sure to take a ten minute break between each hour to give your arms a chance to rest.”

CRACK! “WHYYYYYY?!”

“Thank you, Dr. Kurtz!” Mrs. Blaze said. “You’re a lifesaver!”

Dr. Kurtz tipped his hat. “Just doing my job, ma’am. If you have any questions, be sure to give me a call.”

The gremlin menace had been defeated…for now. But for how long? With these and other questions filed in the big folder called “Worry”, Dr. Kurtz fired his grapple through the bedroom window, and shot outside before the shards of glass could settle.

When we last saw Ronald and his friends, they had just escaped the rain by taking refuge inside a spooky house. However, some mysterious force locks the front door, and now the group has no choice but to look around. With all that camping filler out of the way, maybe now this video will finally get interesting. (Plus, with this empty haunted house, maybe now we can film my documentary – “The Munsters: Missed ‘Em By 45 Years.”)

And hey, what better way to start this off than with ANOTHER song? Can’t let things get too interesting, after all. While this song isn’t as awful as the first one, it’s still got a bunch of awkward pauses and drawn out words. It’s like the song writers were grasping for something, anything to pad it out. I was waiting for them to use bits from other songs so they didn’t have to think as hard. It’s practically seamless. Just like that one song from Pinocchio – “When you wish upon a star…nothing can stop the smooze.”

After the song, the group moves into another hallway with three steel doors. Hamburglar notices the doors have no knobs. A dead end? Maybe not – just then, the lights dim, and a ghostly image of an old man’s head is revealed.

Big Giant Head tells them a riddle:

“Never push and never pull,
you’re finished when your plate is full.
Exercise your force of will,
you proceed by standing still.”

Instead of answering the riddle, the Fry Kids say “screw this” and try to kick down one of the doors. They are rewarded with a tumble into a dark pit.

Ronald realizes that solving the riddle must be the key to opening one of the doors. Tika finds a massive picture of a plate on the floor, and when everyone stands still on it, the middle door swings open. Huh. You know, that riddle was actually a bit clever. I’m impressed. I just wish my riddles were that good. See, here’s one I wrote:

“What’s black, white, and red all over?
If a cop tells you the answer, pretend I’m not here.”

After going through the door, the group eventually makes their way into a big library. Hamburglar finds a random lever next to the fireplace, and since he hasn’t learned anything from the Fry Kids episode, he pulls on it. This spins a bookcase that the Chicken McNuggets were standing next to, shifting them to a secret room.

By the way, if you just asked, “who the hell are the Chicken McNuggets?”, you’re nailed another problem this cartoon has. The only reason that so many people came on this camping trip was because the plot needed victims for traps. You know why I didn’t mention the McNuggets up until this point? Because they don’t DO anything worth mentioning. Neither do the Fry Kids, who practically vanish into the background. (Gives ‘em time to drive to McDonalds and pick up a Snack Wrap.)

So, seeing as how this place is kinda dangerous, Ronald tells everyone to not touch anything.

Hamburglar I am going to TAKE YOUR FACE.

The Big Giant Head pops up again with another riddle: “It’s not hard to understand, find the door with your left hand.” This reminds Ronald of a trick you can use in a maze – just keep a hand to the wall on your left, and you’ll eventually find your way out. And if that’s not a great lead-in to another song, I don’t know what is! Well, I do, but while I’m throwing chainsaws, you can’t move, okay?

The group finally escapes the maze into another room where the walls shift as soon as they approach the door. To stop the walls from moving, everyone stands in the center of the room and spreads out. To…confuse the walls, I guess? Well, whatever the reason, it doesn’t really matter, because as soon as Grimace touches the doorknob, the entire room disappears!

The Big Giant Head swoops down and congratulates the group on their progress. We learn that the head’s name is Franklin and that this whole adventure was just one big computer game. (Wow, I totally wasn’t expecting such a cop-out.) Now, the group has to pit their brains against Franklin in a riddle-tastic final showdown! If they win, they get their friends back. If they lose, they get their friends back…who can now be combined with other Legos.

Things quickly go downhill. Tika misses the first riddle, so she falls down a hole. And even with the help of Birdie, Hamburglar bombs his riddle, and a swirling whirlwind blows the two away. Now it’s down to Ronald, Grimace, and Sundae, and with that all-star lineup, Ronald is practically their last hope. (By the way, the answers to the riddles are also the traps. Keep this in mind for later.)

Franklin gives Ronald a big riddle. “What costs nothing, but is worth everything? Weighs nothing, but last lifetimes? That one person can’t own, but two people can share?” Apparently this riddle is so awesome that Ronald repeats it out loud, while the wind from earlier generates a massive storm. Franklin also starts shouting at Ronald while bouncing around. It really makes me uncomfortable. I mean, there are only a few parts on a human being that I want to jiggle, and Franklin has none of them.

Grimace gets so frightened that he begs Ronald not to leave him alone. But wait, that gives Ronald the answer!

…wait, hold on. If the answers are also the traps, what would happen if Ronald got that wrong? Would he, like, lose his friendship with Griamce? How would that work? And how do you make a trap out of “friendship”, anyway? It’s not as easy as if the answer was, say, “bitchin’ fire cobras”.

Franklin throws a fit that Ronald got the correct answer, and he pisses off somewhere to think of another riddle. While Franklin’s distracted, Sundae discovers a clue – a wire connected to a TV camera!

…wait, how did no one see that?

They follow the wire to a metal door. Opening the door reveals a secret laboratory, and the real truth behind the game – it’s actually run by a kid named Franklin, not an old guy. Apparently Tika’s played the game before, but since she couldn’t beat it by herself, she worked with the McNuggets to lure Ronald to the house. It was a good plan. After all, Ronald solved most of the riddles while everyone else was practically useless. I’m just glad Franklin didn’t ask Grimace to think up an answer to a riddle. After all, my mom has a lot of plants, and she’d freak if they all died at once.

Ronald and the others confront Franklin and force him to admit defeat. Just then, Franklin’s dad, Dr. Quizzical, enters the room and scolds Franklin for causing mischief. He gathers everyone in the lobby to explain how he came by as soon as he saw lightning spark near the house. (Apparently Franklin keeps reprogramming the virtual reality projectors for his game, and the lightning told Quizzical what was up.)

Meanwhile, Tika apologizes for tricking Ronald. She just wanted him to play the game with her, and she couldn’t think of any other way to do it. Other than, you know, ASKING him. Sure, Franklin wasn’t SUPPOSED to be using the projectors, but all Tika would have to do is feign ignorance. And hey, it would’ve been a lot more direct than going through all that camping nonsense. That’s two songs we could’ve cut out and given to needy children. (Just as long as you don’t sing about food and a warm bed to sleep in.)

But in the end, everything works out. Quizzical takes the group back to their campsite, and after Franklin apologizes for scaring everyone, Ronald lets him come too. And so, the cartoon ends with everyone roasting marshmallows around the fire and laughing while the camera pans upward to the moon.

At this point we have no idea what happens. Did everyone have a good time? Or did the phantom of Far-Flung Woods come out and kill everyone? Just remember – even if the phantom kills campers, it doesn’t mean that he’s evil. See, look – he’s giving the bodies to those hungry cannibals.

Okay, okay, they’re not dead. But the video’s not over yet – we shift back to live-action as Ronald and Sundae slide down a tube back into their home. Later that night, they watch another scary movie. Ronald asks Sundae if he really wants to watch it before bedtime, but Sundae’s cool with it – with a friend like Ronald by his side, he isn’t afraid of anything.

So that’s “Scared Silly”. It’s not good, but I’ve seen worse. I have to say, Franklin’s riddles were actually pretty unique. Plus, the whole concept of Franklin’s game reminds me of Knightmare, a British game show where children explored a puzzle-filled dungeon. That’s kinda cool. Then again, I doubt the writers were that clever. I also doubt their plotting and songwriting abilities – all the filler and bad music really weighed this cartoon down, and as a cartoon for Halloween, it fails to live up to expectations. Watch something else with your kids. Like The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Anyway, that’s all for me. Thanks for reading, and I hope your Halloween is a good one. You go ahead – I already had my Halloween a few months back. I didn’t have any candy, but it was cool. All the kids wanted were my TV and XBox.

Remember McDonaldLand, that wonderful world of whimsy from those classic McDonalds’ commercials? I sure do. The idea of a magical place filled with people who love cheap burgers made eating at McDonalds feel really special. These days McDonaldLand has been phased out, which is a shame. Now McDonalds needs to get creative to push those Happy Meals. “When you buy a Happy Meal, you get great food and a cool toy. Even better, now your Happy Meal won’t be ground up and fed to horses.”

Now, McDonaldLand commercials usually played out a basic scenario with characters like Birdie, Grimace, or the Hamburglar. They’re the kind of episodic stories you’d see in a children’s show. That might be why McDonalds teamed up with animation company Klasky-Csupo to produce The Wacky Adventures of Ronald McDonald, a series of tapes sold at McDonalds’ restaurants. The first tape, called “Scared Silly”, was promoted as a spooky-type story. Made sense, since Halloween was around the corner at the time. I knew this because my uncle gets paid to hunt down superheroes and carve them out for children to wear.

I didn’t watch these tapes when they first came out, but thanks to the power of the Internet, I can finally see what “Scared Silly” is all about. And since Halloween is coming up in a few weeks, why not jaunt through some appropriate nostalgia? The only question – does “Scared Silly” live up to the hype? For $3.49, it’d better. With that money, I could’ve had a butler for, like, five seconds.

So each video actually starts off with a live-action segment. If you’re here to see all the other McDonaldLand characters in glorious realism, prepare to be disappointed. Only Ronald is featured in these segments, along with his faithful companion…

…Whatever The Hell This Thing Is.

Actually, this amazingly ugly creature is Ronald’s dog Sundae. He only shows up in these tapes, and that’s a good thing considering how hideous and creepy he looks. It’s obvious this freak was based off the animation design (which we’ll get to in a minute) because no sane designer at McDonalds would make a costume this horrifying. Still, I’m surprised Sundae is hanging around Ronald. You’d think he’d look better with a different clown. Like that guy from It. Or Johnny Knoxville.

So while Sundae and Ronald are watching an old horror movie together, some alarm goes off and spooks them both. It’s the alarm for Ronald’s picture phone, so he slides downstairs via a pole and answers it, bringing up some random girl named Tika who invites him to go camping in Far-Flung Woods. You know, that’s always been my problem with McDonaldLand. How do these random kids become Ronald’s friend? Do you have to get introduced by Captain Crunch or something? Maybe you just need to save Ronald from an assassin armed with BK Chicken Fries.

Ronald agrees to go camping, and after calling his friends, he leaps into a ball pit that leads to a tube spiralling towards ground floor. And that’s the thing – while Ronald slides down this tube, he somehow transforms into a cartoon version of himself. Of course, since Klasky-Csupo was involed, we have to see their ugly art style at work, giving Animated Ronald an incomplete hairdo and MASSIVE M.C. HAMMER PANTS that make him look bottom heavy. Maybe it’s a subtle poke at the long-term health effects of eating at McDonalds. (EDITOR’S NOTE – We later found out that Ronald’s pants are the first portable Ronald McDonald House.)

So Ronald lands in a ball pit in the garage. Sundae, who leaped in the tube after Ronald, lands in it too. You know, he was pretty creepy in live-action. I wonder what he looks like when he’s animated?

Ah, good. He’s still incredibly horrifying. Just checking.

Ronald opens the garage door to reveal Tika and all of the other friends he invited, including the standard group of Birdie, Grimace, and the Hamburglar. Hope you weren’t expecting them to look presentable! Klasky-Csupo has made sure cartoon Birdie looks ridiculously thin and short, while the Hamburglar has abandoned his usual stripes for a black jacket, red shorts, and stupid goggles. I don’t understand why these characters had to be redesigned. What was wrong with how they looked before? I guess somebody looked at the live-action Hamburglar and went, “Okay, we gotta slim him down. He looks too fat-it’s like there’s another guy in there!”

Everyone gets in the car and heads towards Far-Flung Woods. Tika almost immediately brings up something called the Far-Flung Phantom, which is apparently a spirit that haunts the woods and frightens innocent campers. This scares Grimace. (ProTip: Everything scares Grimace.) Ronald tells Grimace it’s just a story, and instead of passing around scary stuff like that, what they need is a good driving song.

So one begins. Yep. Surprising no one, there are a couple of songs throughout the video. So what better way to start this off than to sing one of the WORST songs on the entire tape? You know you’re off to a bad start when your song refrains four times with this compelling list of things you’ll find in the forest:

“There’s flowers!”
“And squirrels!”
“And fish!”
“And frogs!”
“Caves and rocks!”
“And lots of logs!”

HOLY CRAP! Man, forget video games and explosions, we’ve got ROCKS AND LOGS! HELL YEAH! Then maybe at the campfire we can have some BREAD and WATER! GONZO!

After the song mercifully ends, they park and hike out to their camping spot which, according to Ronald, takes more than THREE HOURS to get there. Why the hell would you park your car so damn far from the campsite? To fill time, of course! And fill it they do-from Sundae getting chased by a squirrel in camo pants to the group escaping from an angry bear, there’s no shortage of wacky filler to go around. I guess this is where Seltzer and Friedburg got their ideas for padding out Disaster Movie.

Along the way, a walkie talkie falls out of Tika’s backpack. When Birdie returns it, Tika quickly makes up an excuse about needing them in case they get seperated. While this is a perfectly good reason to bring walkie-talkies to a camping trip, this still draws Birdie’s suspicion. It’s compounded when she also notices a camera emerge out of a branch and study her before retracting. Does Birdie warn Ronald about this? No. That’s assuming she was smart. At most she probably thought, “Now how can I poop on that?”

Eventually the group arrives at the campsite and sets up. Later they roast marshmallows by the fire, and when Hamburglar brings up the Far-Flung Phantom again, Ronald decides to take a walk. It’s during this walk that Ronald spots a strange house in the distance.

Now let’s backtrack for a minute here. Remember how I told you this video was advertised during Halloween, implying a spooky atmosphere? Let’s take a look at the cover real fast.

Judging by this cover, would you expect that the first SIXTEEN MINUTES of the video would be taken up by songs and camping, and only JUST NOW would we see the haunted house? And the characters aren’t even at the damn house yet – they’re still at the campsite! For something promoted as a cartoon for Halloween, it sure feels like a bait and switch, doesn’t it? I can just imagine kids squirming in their seats, wondering when the good part’s going to come on. Just like church.

Back at the campsite, Hamburlgar hoiss a fake ghost on a rope, making it fly around and scare everyone. Ronald comes back to the site and figures it’s Hamburglar causing trouble, so he gets Grimace to help him pull down on the ghost as it swoops by. The rope was slung over a branch, so this pulls Hamburglar up, over the branch, and back down to earth with a painful impact. (Little known fact: this is how Hamburglar developed his vocal tic of “robble robble”. It’s also why he can’t tell you what 2+5 is.)

Suddenly, stormclouds gather, and it starts to rain. Since the group didn’t expect rain, they didn’t bother to pack any raingear. Ronald notices a bunch of large flowers on a bush, and when he picks one and blows into the end, the petals unfurl into a makeshift umbrella.

Well, that was entirely pointless. Thanks a bunch.

So the group grabs what they need for the night and head to the obviously haunted house. They all rush inside, only to have the door lock behind them and trap them all inside. All they can do now is explore the house and see what lurks down its halls. See, you wouldn’t have this problem if you had planned for bad weather. Being in the woods is no excuse. Just use your cellphone to check online for weather updates. For a more personal weather report, you should check out my grandma’s weather blog at “mykneeisactingup.com”.

Now we are officially nineteen minutes into the video. Not counting the theme song, we have just burned almost HALF of this video with pointless filler. And what’s worse is that there’s no reason for it. Would it have been so hard to get the group to a haunted house earlier in the movie? Like, for example, a plot where they hear about a haunted house and decide to investigate because they think they can prove it’s not haunted. Sure, it’s cliche, but at least it would’ve gotten to the point a bit faster!

Well, since this is about forty or so minutes long, I’m gonna have to break this review up into two parts. Time for some dramatic narrative text. Ahem:

WILL RONALD AND HIS FRIENDS DISCOVER THE SECRET OF THE HAUNTED HOUSE? WILL IT EVER STOP RAINING? WILL THIS VIDEO DRASTICALLY IMPROVE DURING ITS SECOND HALF AND MAKE “SCARED SILLY” ONE OF THE BEST CARTOONS OF 1998? THE ANSWER: IT’S NOT FOR SALE. TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR THE EXCITING CONCLUSION!