The Wacky Adventures of Ronald McDonald: Scared Silly, Part 2
When we last saw Ronald and his friends, they had just escaped the rain by taking refuge inside a spooky house. However, some mysterious force locks the front door, and now the group has no choice but to look around. With all that camping filler out of the way, maybe now this video will finally get interesting. (Plus, with this empty haunted house, maybe now we can film my documentary – “The Munsters: Missed ‘Em By 45 Years.”)
And hey, what better way to start this off than with ANOTHER song? Can’t let things get too interesting, after all. While this song isn’t as awful as the first one, it’s still got a bunch of awkward pauses and drawn out words. It’s like the song writers were grasping for something, anything to pad it out. I was waiting for them to use bits from other songs so they didn’t have to think as hard. It’s practically seamless. Just like that one song from Pinocchio – “When you wish upon a star…nothing can stop the smooze.”
After the song, the group moves into another hallway with three steel doors. Hamburglar notices the doors have no knobs. A dead end? Maybe not – just then, the lights dim, and a ghostly image of an old man’s head is revealed.
Big Giant Head tells them a riddle:
“Never push and never pull,
you’re finished when your plate is full.
Exercise your force of will,
you proceed by standing still.”
Instead of answering the riddle, the Fry Kids say “screw this” and try to kick down one of the doors. They are rewarded with a tumble into a dark pit.
Ronald realizes that solving the riddle must be the key to opening one of the doors. Tika finds a massive picture of a plate on the floor, and when everyone stands still on it, the middle door swings open. Huh. You know, that riddle was actually a bit clever. I’m impressed. I just wish my riddles were that good. See, here’s one I wrote:
“What’s black, white, and red all over?
If a cop tells you the answer, pretend I’m not here.”
After going through the door, the group eventually makes their way into a big library. Hamburglar finds a random lever next to the fireplace, and since he hasn’t learned anything from the Fry Kids episode, he pulls on it. This spins a bookcase that the Chicken McNuggets were standing next to, shifting them to a secret room.
By the way, if you just asked, “who the hell are the Chicken McNuggets?”, you’re nailed another problem this cartoon has. The only reason that so many people came on this camping trip was because the plot needed victims for traps. You know why I didn’t mention the McNuggets up until this point? Because they don’t DO anything worth mentioning. Neither do the Fry Kids, who practically vanish into the background. (Gives ‘em time to drive to McDonalds and pick up a Snack Wrap.)
So, seeing as how this place is kinda dangerous, Ronald tells everyone to not touch anything.
Hamburglar I am going to TAKE YOUR FACE.
The Big Giant Head pops up again with another riddle: “It’s not hard to understand, find the door with your left hand.” This reminds Ronald of a trick you can use in a maze – just keep a hand to the wall on your left, and you’ll eventually find your way out. And if that’s not a great lead-in to another song, I don’t know what is! Well, I do, but while I’m throwing chainsaws, you can’t move, okay?
The group finally escapes the maze into another room where the walls shift as soon as they approach the door. To stop the walls from moving, everyone stands in the center of the room and spreads out. To…confuse the walls, I guess? Well, whatever the reason, it doesn’t really matter, because as soon as Grimace touches the doorknob, the entire room disappears!
The Big Giant Head swoops down and congratulates the group on their progress. We learn that the head’s name is Franklin and that this whole adventure was just one big computer game. (Wow, I totally wasn’t expecting such a cop-out.) Now, the group has to pit their brains against Franklin in a riddle-tastic final showdown! If they win, they get their friends back. If they lose, they get their friends back…who can now be combined with other Legos.
Things quickly go downhill. Tika misses the first riddle, so she falls down a hole. And even with the help of Birdie, Hamburglar bombs his riddle, and a swirling whirlwind blows the two away. Now it’s down to Ronald, Grimace, and Sundae, and with that all-star lineup, Ronald is practically their last hope. (By the way, the answers to the riddles are also the traps. Keep this in mind for later.)
Franklin gives Ronald a big riddle. “What costs nothing, but is worth everything? Weighs nothing, but last lifetimes? That one person can’t own, but two people can share?” Apparently this riddle is so awesome that Ronald repeats it out loud, while the wind from earlier generates a massive storm. Franklin also starts shouting at Ronald while bouncing around. It really makes me uncomfortable. I mean, there are only a few parts on a human being that I want to jiggle, and Franklin has none of them.
Grimace gets so frightened that he begs Ronald not to leave him alone. But wait, that gives Ronald the answer!
…wait, hold on. If the answers are also the traps, what would happen if Ronald got that wrong? Would he, like, lose his friendship with Griamce? How would that work? And how do you make a trap out of “friendship”, anyway? It’s not as easy as if the answer was, say, “bitchin’ fire cobras”.
Franklin throws a fit that Ronald got the correct answer, and he pisses off somewhere to think of another riddle. While Franklin’s distracted, Sundae discovers a clue – a wire connected to a TV camera!
…wait, how did no one see that?
They follow the wire to a metal door. Opening the door reveals a secret laboratory, and the real truth behind the game – it’s actually run by a kid named Franklin, not an old guy. Apparently Tika’s played the game before, but since she couldn’t beat it by herself, she worked with the McNuggets to lure Ronald to the house. It was a good plan. After all, Ronald solved most of the riddles while everyone else was practically useless. I’m just glad Franklin didn’t ask Grimace to think up an answer to a riddle. After all, my mom has a lot of plants, and she’d freak if they all died at once.
Ronald and the others confront Franklin and force him to admit defeat. Just then, Franklin’s dad, Dr. Quizzical, enters the room and scolds Franklin for causing mischief. He gathers everyone in the lobby to explain how he came by as soon as he saw lightning spark near the house. (Apparently Franklin keeps reprogramming the virtual reality projectors for his game, and the lightning told Quizzical what was up.)
Meanwhile, Tika apologizes for tricking Ronald. She just wanted him to play the game with her, and she couldn’t think of any other way to do it. Other than, you know, ASKING him. Sure, Franklin wasn’t SUPPOSED to be using the projectors, but all Tika would have to do is feign ignorance. And hey, it would’ve been a lot more direct than going through all that camping nonsense. That’s two songs we could’ve cut out and given to needy children. (Just as long as you don’t sing about food and a warm bed to sleep in.)
But in the end, everything works out. Quizzical takes the group back to their campsite, and after Franklin apologizes for scaring everyone, Ronald lets him come too. And so, the cartoon ends with everyone roasting marshmallows around the fire and laughing while the camera pans upward to the moon.
At this point we have no idea what happens. Did everyone have a good time? Or did the phantom of Far-Flung Woods come out and kill everyone? Just remember – even if the phantom kills campers, it doesn’t mean that he’s evil. See, look – he’s giving the bodies to those hungry cannibals.
Okay, okay, they’re not dead. But the video’s not over yet – we shift back to live-action as Ronald and Sundae slide down a tube back into their home. Later that night, they watch another scary movie. Ronald asks Sundae if he really wants to watch it before bedtime, but Sundae’s cool with it – with a friend like Ronald by his side, he isn’t afraid of anything.
So that’s “Scared Silly”. It’s not good, but I’ve seen worse. I have to say, Franklin’s riddles were actually pretty unique. Plus, the whole concept of Franklin’s game reminds me of Knightmare, a British game show where children explored a puzzle-filled dungeon. That’s kinda cool. Then again, I doubt the writers were that clever. I also doubt their plotting and songwriting abilities – all the filler and bad music really weighed this cartoon down, and as a cartoon for Halloween, it fails to live up to expectations. Watch something else with your kids. Like The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Anyway, that’s all for me. Thanks for reading, and I hope your Halloween is a good one. You go ahead – I already had my Halloween a few months back. I didn’t have any candy, but it was cool. All the kids wanted were my TV and XBox.
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You know, holding your left hand to the wall of that maze won’t do you any good. If you look at that picture, you’ll notice that the walls don’t connect.
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Matt Willard Reply:
October 20th, 2009 at 12:50 PM
Are you trying to bring logic into this? God help you if you are trying to bring logic into this.
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I always thought that the Ronald cartoons were cute, but you are making them seem kinda dumb. I will never forget how they really were.
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Matt Willard Reply:
October 30th, 2009 at 9:11 AM
There’s definitely worse out there, but these don’t really stack up. Then again, what can you expect for 3-4 bucks?
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This was absolutely hilarious! ^^ I’m now using that little icon of Ronald as my avatar on different forums. It reminded me of “I will punch you in the soul!”.
Anyways, excellent job. ^^
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