Giant Robot Invasion! – Home of Comedy Writer Matt Willard

NOTE: Screwing up time is dangerous. Screwing up time can result in alternate futures. As a result, it is recommended that you do not screw up time unless it is absolutely neccessary to win the bet.

1. You must first have a time machine. Without a time machine, you will be unable to screw up time. If you have a time machine, go to step 2. If you do not have a time machine, go to step 8.

2. Step inside your time machine and configure it to travel back to an event in your past. If you have a destination in mind, go to step 4. If you do not, go to step 3.

3. Foolishly set the time machine to 65,000,000 BC out of sheer stupidity, so that your time machine manifests over a volcano. Before you hit the lava, get killed by ninjas for no reason. THE END

4. Set the time machine for the correct destination and travel back to the past. Go to step 5.

5. Exit the time machine in the past and wander about with feelings of nostalgia. Go to step 7.

6. Using your laser gun, shoot the alien in the head, and grab the princess by the arm so you can lead her to safety. Go to step 13.

7. Eventually, you will see your past self engaging in the event you hope to cause. If you directly interfere, go to step 10. If you play it safe from a distance, go to step 12.

8. Try to acquire a time machine. If time machines have been invented, go to step 2. If not, go to step 9.

9. If a time machine has not been invented yet, assess your level of intelligence. If you are smart, and can definitely build a time machine, go to step 11. If you are a twit, go to step 14.

10. Run up and interfere directly in the event. Touch your past self in the struggle, thus creating a temporal paradox, wiping out all of existence. If you think this could really happen, go to step 15. If not, go to step 17.

11. Spend a lot of time building a time machine. When it is finally completed, go to step 2.

12. Use your rock to interfere with the event, thus changing it for the better. Go to step 16.

13. As you try to figure out where to fire the torpedo to save the empire, get killed by ninjas that appear for no reason. THE END

14. As you try to figure out how to build a time machine, get killed by ninjas that appear for no reason. THE END

15. We’re glad you agree. THE END

16. Get back to the time machine and warp home. Leave the time machine by tripping and falling on your face with such a sound that ninjas are immediately drawn to the scene, where they kill you for no reason. THE END

17. Now that you have become Batman, commit to fighting crime in Gotham City. If you think this is awesome, go to step 15. If not, get killed by ninjas for no reason.