Giant Robot Invasion!

It is an epidemic that continues to grow in size and strength as our society becomes more advanced. Sooner or later, no matter who you are or where you live, a company will attempt to charge you if you wish to use their product. But, out of our human vice for wealth, companies are often unable to realize how much their actions are harming innocent consumers.

“It’s ridiculous when you think about it,” professional thief Burt Langson says. “I mean, I wouldn’t be stealing anything in the first place if companies didn’t charge money for them.”

Unable to locate a job due to a lack of interest, Burt has been forced to steal everything he needs to live a normal life. Besides clothing and food, Burt steals up to twenty cartons of cigarettes a month to support his chain-smoking habit–a habit he says he can’t possibly afford to maintain if he was paying with money.

“Just last year, I needed a Lamborghini,” Burt told us. “But the car dealer wouldn’t give it to me. What else could I do? I had to steal it. If I don’t steal, how am I going to get the things I need?”

Even non-thieves are affected by the selfish actions of companies. Victoria Heshley is one of them. “My all-terrain vehicle uses thirteen gallons of gas per mile,” Victoria says. “I could drive it if the oil companies didn’t insist I pay for my gas. Now I’ve got a useless truck sitting in my driveway that I can’t even use.”

Victoria uses a tandem bike to run her errands and bring her three children to and from school each day. “It’s even hurting my kids. Everyone laughs at us because the kids look so stupid when their mom bikes them to school. My teenage daughter’s suffered the most. Nobody wants to be friends with the kid who gets biked to school by her mom. Right now, her life is offically over.”

We interviewed several small business owners for their perspective on the issue. Immediately, we were surprised at how defensive they were about their policies. Mark Chuntle, owner of a local bakery called Beach Bread, was the most vocal.

“Companies and businesses need to charge money for their products so they can pay their bills and make a profit,” Mark said. “If we don’t, we can’t stay in business.”

“Yes, but how do you get money in the first place?” we asked.

“Hell if I know.”

If that’s the case, then we must take action. If we continue to allow companies to charge for their products, how many more people will be hurt by their actions? How many more things will Burt have to steal to survive? How much longer will Victoria be able to balance groceries on the seats of her bike until this madness is stopped?

Until that day, all we can do is satisfy ourselves in the best way we can.

“You want to drive my tank?” Burt asked us after our interview was over.

Sure. After all, with companies refusing to change their ways, it’s the closest we’re ever going to get to owning one.