Giant Robot Invasion!

I’ve got problems just like you. I worry about my work, my finances, my relationships…typical stuff. But what catches me off-guard is when I get a problem I wasn’t expecting. At least with a crummy job or marriage, you can say that other people have gone through the same thing. But what happens when you run smack into an obstacle that seems like it was tailored just for you? You know how it is. It feels like you’re being singled out. It’s like playing Duck Duck Goose, except that when you’re the goose, you chase divorce papers around the circle while your wife tongues your friend. Read More

One of the most popular blogging techniques I’ve read about is the “list post”. With a topic that lends itself to a long array of tips or ideas, the list format lets you address these ideas one by one. This way, it’s easier to read. Many popular bloggers recommend this style of posting, and list posts are so popular that good ones often land on the front page of sites like Digg and Delicious. (If only they could help us get laid. Then again, I bet someone’s already written “Top 7 Reasons Why You Should Just Go Ahead And Ride My Horn”.) Read More

I first experienced Mortal Kombat around eight or nine years old. One day Mom came home from the grocery store with a brand-new rental for our Sega Genesis: Mortal Kombat II. Cue a traumatized little boy discovering just how many ways your bones and blood can leave your body and go on vacation. Fortunately, Mom caught her mistake and quickly exchanged the rental for something more friendly. That turned out to be Puggsy, a game about a fat, orange alien throwing fish at enemies. Well, you know what they say. “Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Throw a fish at someone’s face, and if you’re in the right country, he’ll choose pistols at dawn.” Read More

Let Roger show you the life and times of a garbage scow captain. Now with 100% Not As Boring As You’d Think!

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2009 has been an interesting year. After all, I started Giant Robot Invasion in March, and the entire world was blessed by its presence. Now that 2010 looms on the horizon, I figure it’s a perfect time to look over the last seven months and choose the best posts of 2009. Of course, every post is great, but like Animal Farm, some posts are just more important than others.

Duke Nukem Is Mantacular – The always energetic Badass McKenzie reviews the original Duke Nukem trilogy. Why? Because failing to tell people just how great Duke Nukem is a crime punishable by EXPLOSION.

Fox Kids Club’s “Totally Kids” Magazine – The greatest Saturday morning cartoon block of the 90s needs a kickass magazine to go with it. Fortunately, Fox Kids didn’t drop the ball. Here’s an inside look at an issue of the Fox Kids Club’s epic mag.

The Berenstain Bear Scouts and the Sinister Smoke Ring, Part One and Part Two – A book so big that one post couldn’t contain it! Can the Bear Scouts defeat the evils of smoking? And while we’re at it, can they make sure all smokers look like complete jackasses? YOU be the judge!

Even MORE Messages From The Power Rangers – The Power Rangers public service announcements were all terrible, and this latest batch is no different. In fact, the only thing I learned from these is to promptly beat the crap out of anyone waltzing around wearing tie dye and a beret. Now I know what to look for…and knowledge is half the battle!

The Magic School Bus and the Wonderful Freakout – Join the weirdest class in the history of forever as they go on the most disturbing field trips known to man. Oh, sure, you may be concerned now, but at least they’re learning. Just look at these SAT scores!

Don’t Copy That Floppy Or We’ll Cut An Album, I Swear To God – SIIA’s infamous anti-piracy video is required viewing for any would-be software pirates. What better way to remove any silly morals about the practice than with the whitest black rapper this side of planet Earth? The sequel is also a great tool for those instant boosts of pirating motivation.

Friends Don’t Let Friends Watch The Windows 95 Video Guide – Windows 95 was a great operating system, but you’d never know that if you watched this painful promotional video. I’d say the famous guest stars redeemed it, but lying like that would be an insult to deception. Also in this article: big Russian guys!

Chex Quest: This Nostalgia Comes With A Free Game! (Seriously) – This was possibly the best cereal promotion ever concieved. Where’s that brilliant man who decided to release a modified version of Doom with Chex cereal? I want to give him a medal with a genie inside, and the genie is a girl genie with no shirt on. There, that’s like a free wish altogether.

The Bubsy Cartoon: What Can Possibly Go Right? – I can safely say that nothing went right in this abysmal cartoon based on an abysmal waste of pixels called Bubsy the Bobcat. If this was a school project, I’d give it a negative F, which is an F so powerful that the failing student is sucked inside into another dimension where everything is wrong. Coincidentally, this is a world Bubsy rules over.

Flint The Time Detective: Chris Hansen Needs To Tell Japan To Take A Seat – I try to forgive Japan for all of its faults, but this might be pushing it a bit too far. There is so much scandal in this article that it has to be neatly packed inside a moving truck, for fear that the scandal will roam free to attack celebrities everywhere. This CANNOT happen!

Here’s to a great 2010, everyone. See you next year!

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